Why I stopped running from sadness (and you might too)

Hey Dear,

This one’s a bit personal, and I can't promise it's an easy read.
But I believe it will help you, so hear (read?) me out.

Let’s talk about sadness.

The burrito problem

One time, my therapist asked me a simple question:

“What’s sadness for?”

I froze.

See, I’ve always had a complicated relationship with sadness.
I knew the logical answer.
But for me, it felt tied directly to weakness.

I hated the sad version of myself. The blob wrapped in a blanket like a burrito, staring at the ceiling/phone/TV, lifeless.
Even typing those words now makes me feel disgust twist in my face.

So for years, my rule was: don’t be sad. Ever.
To the point, it was just annoying for those close to me.

Just keep moving. Keep working. Keep smiling.

And it worked.
Until it didn’t.

The old story I told myself

When sadness showed up, I buried it.

Placement fell through with the perfect candidate? “Just grind harder.”
Stuff I've written and poured my soul into flopped? "Fuck it, just write another one"
A friendship or relationship shifted? “That's just life, it happens to everyone”

I thought I was being strong.
But really, I was cutting myself off from one of the most important signals we have.

The Shift

Therapy cracked that open for me.

Sadness isn’t weakness.
It's like with every other emotion.

It’s information.

It’s not proof that you failed.
It’s proof that something mattered to you.

Sadness is the cost you pay for caring

Here’s what I’ve learned sadness is really for:

Sadness is a signal.
You don’t feel sad over a meeting you forgot about or a random email you didn’t care for.
You feel sad when something mattered. That lump in your throat when a project ends or a colleague leaves? It’s proof you cared. Sadness is the cost of emotional investment.

It's the price you pay for having skin in the game.

Sadness also helps you process and reflect.
Ever tried to “just move on” after a rejection, only to feel drained for weeks?
That’s because sadness slows you down, allowing your system to adapt.
It interrupts autopilot and forces you to ask:
What did this mean to me? What do I want now?

Without that pause, you keep running on empty.

And finally, sadness builds capacity.
When you admit, “yeah, that hurt,” you give others a chance to lean in and be there for you. Empathy grows.
A good cry can release more energy than a week of pretending you’re fine.
And when you come out the other side, you’ve proven to yourself: I can recover.

That’s real resilience.
Not by avoiding sadness, but by surviving it.

In short, sadness is the body’s way of marking something as important.

Career examples we all know

And it often appears in our work life and careers.

The rejection
You nail the interview. You walk out thinking: this could be it.
Then the email hits: “Thank you for your time, but we’ve chosen another candidate.”
That heavy drop in your stomach? That’s disappointment and sadness.
The project
You pour months into something. You believe in it.
And one morning, the company pulls the plug.
First, you might feel a clenched jaw, tighter shoulders, or a tense neck or fists - you're angry.
But then sadness kicks in - slumped shoulders, feeling fatigued.
The goodbye
Your best work buddy leaves. Or maybe it’s you who outgrows the role.
Either way, sadness shows up, whispering, 'This chapter mattered.'

Most of us try to outrun these moments.
We bury them under productivity. Under “moving on.”
I know, because I did the same.

However, the key is to remember that sadness isn’t a failure.
It’s proof of meaning.

It’s your system processing loss.
It’s a signal saying: this was important to me.

And if you let yourself feel it instead of smothering it, you actually free up the energy to keep going.

What to do with sadness (a mini-practice)

Here’s something I’ve started trying when sadness shows up:

Notice it → Instead of running, pause.
Name what mattered → What was the thing specifically?
Give space → An hour, a day, whatever you need.
Ask → “What is this sadness pointing me toward?”

And if you don’t know what’s causing it?
That’s okay too. Not every sadness has a neat label.

Just noticing “I’m sad right now, even if I don’t know why” is enough.
Sometimes the cause reveals itself later.

#protip - if you're a little like me and don't want to go into full blanket burrito mode, then don't.
I've discovered that I can be sad and still do things that matter, if I choose to.
But sometimes I'm just binge-watching my feel-good TV show or watching fail videos, and that's ok too.